How do you engage sexually with yourself? Do you at all? Is it something you do to fall asleep, a stress relief, a way to find pleasure? Is it a substitute for partner sex, a way to connect with yourself, something you can do with others? Do you hide it, share it, tell the world or let it just be. Is it a sacred act?
Initially when I started exploring sacred sexuality I didn’t know what I was looking for and I had almost no knowledge on masturbation – in any form. I first learned about sacred sex with one’s Self through one of the lesser known sacred sexuality programs. This was all it took for me to know what I needed to explore; I just had to find the right path. I kept searching and found a lot of information about the “couple” and not nearly enough about the importance of connection with one’s self. All the books and programs, on tantra and other sacred sex paths, that I could find were focused on the ‘couple.’* With few exceptions they also had a strictly heterosexual perspective. Fortunately, I also found information on benefits and techniques of self pleasuring although with no mention of sacred sex. After a few years of exploring I discovered there is no ONE right path for me. My Sacred Sexual path consists of information I just know to be true for me. Some of the information, techniques and beliefs come specifically from various sacred sex traditions and resources focused on the positive side of sexuality. On the other hand I also feel some of it comes from tapping into that universal knowledge we all have access to.
I am not throwing out the benefits of all those paths, books and courses I’ve discovered and I am definitely not dismissing the couple dynamic as unimportant. Everything I believe and practice can still apply to the couple dynamic. So how is my work and personal practice any different? In many ways it’s not different but how it differs is significant. Regardless of gender, who you engage with, your relationship status, the number of people involved in the sex act or the kind of sex you are having, Sacred Sex Stats with Me applies. One of the most beautiful things about this perspective is that it can apply to anyone. If we learn about ourselves and practice sacredness with ourselves, sexual or otherwise, we bring that to our engagements whether they are solo, coupled or in larger configurations. The options truly are endless.
Solo sacred sex, although not as commonly mentioned in many sacred sex traditions, is one avenue you can employ while exploring sacred sexuality. There are many simple ways you can explore sacred sex with yourself. One example is meditation, whether you use it during solo sex or by meditating on your sexuality, a lot of benefits are possible. You can dance sensually for or with yourself. Of course self pleasuring is a great approach for exploring sacred sex with yourself and it can be enhanced if you do it with mindfulness. There are also more elaborate ways such as creating ceremony or ritual.** If this idea intrigues you, I recommend you look into it further. Personally I wouldn’t dream of doing without my sacred sex rituals, solo or otherwise.
*I have since found some great resources that are much more open including some that focus more on the self.
**With all rituals and ceremonies it is best to have the necessary experience or guidance to support you before performing one. I believe it is even more important if you intend to use ritual as part of your sacred sex practice. One of the services I offer is Solo Sacred Sex Rituals.